25 June 2008

My Box Office is Bigger than Yours

For the Bizarro Blog-a-Thon

As you've no doubt heard, Elvis Presley invented music.

Oh sure, music technically existed before him, but it wasn't really music until Elvis transformed it. He is, without a doubt, the single greatest musician in the history of the world. Better, even, than these hacks.

So when such a luminary releases an album titled "50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong: Elvis' Gold Records Volume 2", one can only assume that he's attempting to tell us something deeper about ourselves, about the world we live in.

What then, is he saying?

Well, if 50 million people can't be wrong, then the only rational explanation must be that popularity equals quality.

Ergo, film box office equals success, because if 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong, then neither can the $38M grossed by Get Smart or the $305M grossed by Iron Man this year.

Better clearly than There Will Be Blood ($40M), better than The Darjeeling Limited ($11M), better than I Think I Love My Life ($12M).

And while sites like Metacritic may say otherwise, clearly they cannot be right because 50M Elvis fans cannot be wrong.

Why we even bother with critics and award shows is beyond me. We should just total up the box office at the end of the year, and there's your best picture. Much easier, and think of the money Hollywood would save on tuxes and dresses. Enough to subsidize all those failures that gross less than $150M.


dreamrot said...

That's probably the best metric to use. Obviously it holds up. I mean, there's no doubt that Titanic was the best movie ever made. And, Shrek 2 certainly was the third best!

KC said...

Damn Kooool site man ! Visit my site on movies too .. www.ampdforinnovation.com .. Its dedicated for IMDB's top 250 flicks !! If u like , lets ex links ! Ok ? :)

elgringo said...

I hate it when these tiny little meaningless pictures (i.e. The Flight of the Red Balloon) try to get my attention when it's clear that they aren't going to pull in $30 Million+.

It's ridiculous. Like I'm really going to be the only person to give a film $7.75. I only give my cash to those whoever everyone else is giving their money to.