25 June 2008

My Box Office is Bigger than Yours

For the Bizarro Blog-a-Thon

As you've no doubt heard, Elvis Presley invented music.

Oh sure, music technically existed before him, but it wasn't really music until Elvis transformed it. He is, without a doubt, the single greatest musician in the history of the world. Better, even, than these hacks.

So when such a luminary releases an album titled "50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong: Elvis' Gold Records Volume 2", one can only assume that he's attempting to tell us something deeper about ourselves, about the world we live in.

What then, is he saying?

Well, if 50 million people can't be wrong, then the only rational explanation must be that popularity equals quality.

Ergo, film box office equals success, because if 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong, then neither can the $38M grossed by Get Smart or the $305M grossed by Iron Man this year.

Better clearly than There Will Be Blood ($40M), better than The Darjeeling Limited ($11M), better than I Think I Love My Life ($12M).

And while sites like Metacritic may say otherwise, clearly they cannot be right because 50M Elvis fans cannot be wrong.

Why we even bother with critics and award shows is beyond me. We should just total up the box office at the end of the year, and there's your best picture. Much easier, and think of the money Hollywood would save on tuxes and dresses. Enough to subsidize all those failures that gross less than $150M.

22 June 2008

Getting an Oscar Nom now makes a little bit more sense

Via The New York Times

Two long-overdue rule changes for everyone's favorite award show that may or may not be meaningless:

1. No film can have more than 2 songs in the Original Song category. I've been bitching about this for years. How having 3 songs from Dreamgirls benefits anyone is beyond my comprehension, and now it won't happen anymore. Sure, it's a little too late for the "Kazakhstan National Anthem", but better late than never.

Side note: how does the Academy not nominate this song? Sure, it's a joke and shouldn't really win, but the value of having it performed at the Oscars is worth so much to a show that's been steadily losing viewers for years.

2. The other change is that now "three of the nine finalists for the foreign-language-film nomination will now be chosen by the 20-member Foreign Language Film Award Executive Committee". What this means, I assume, is that a group of 20 somewhat intelligent people will be able to step in and make sure the year's 3 best foreign language films make the cut, thereby ending the annual problem of having something like 4 luni, 3 saptamâni si 2 zile not even make the short-list.

Or, they'll somehow manage to screw it up even worse.

21 June 2008

17 June 2008


So I'm watching the AFI broadcast of the 10 best films of 10 different genres, which I meant to say something about earlier, but totally forgot about.

Right now they're on animation, and we've seen such luminary cinema experts like Jennifer Love Hewitt and the guy who played Cliff on Cheers, and somehow that's not the biggest complaint in the first 3 minutes I've watched.

First, they aren't shooting in HD. Really? The AFI can't afford HD? Really?

Shrek, which isn't exactly Citizen Kane (I've gotten past the point where I expect the actual list to be worth something, really I have), but even so, is it so hard to show the thing in the proper aspect ratio?

If the purpose of the AFI is to be "a national institute providing leadership in screen education and the recognition and celebration of excellence in the art of film, television and digital media.", shouldn't we expect them to at least show the entire film, and not just the full-frame version? Shouldn't that be the minimum requirement for the AFI?

Or is it time to give up on them entirely?

Oh bloody hell. It's Jessica Alba.

11 June 2008

pretty, pretty good

So some people were a little confused by the last post. Yes, we made the Now Film Festival finals, thanks to your votes. We even beat out the BAFTA nominee. How? I don't know.

What that means is that soonish there will be a screening in LA, so if anyone's got a couch in LA they don't mind lending a filmmaker, that'd be awesome. (Or, if you've got a good idea of how to get there really cheaply, that'd be awesome).

Anyway, my good friend Stephen Moser was so excited, he sent me this photo titled, The emotional roller coaster caused by "Gravida". Enjoy.

06 June 2008

04 June 2008