"brilliant...a love letter to independent cinema which is progressively becoming a crucial resource for makers and lovers of low-budget films." -- Matt Riviera, Last Night With Riviera
"... so much more important than anything I do or will probably ever do on my blog." -- Pat Piper, LAZY EYE THEATRE
Curious about what's going on? Read the dialogue here and here. I'll add an archive in a bit, but for now this should suffice.
Some guidelines, which may come off as mean-spirited or otherwise, but are mostly so everyone's on the same page and I hopefully don't have to answer the same questions multiple times. Most of this is pretty obvious. It's also subject to change.
+ I don't care how long (or short) the film is. I don't care what genre. I don't care what format you shot it on. If you can get it to me, I'll try to review it. I don't even care what language the film is in, but I only understand English and what little I've picked up from watching other films. So, I probably won't understand your Polish dialogue without subtitles.
+ Don't expect this to be a rubber stamp where I say nice things about your film just to be encouraging (like some critics who we won't talk about here). If I think your film is good, I'll say so. If I think your film is rubbish, I won't hesitate for one second to say so. I will, however, make every effort to be constructive. Why am I such a mean bastard? Lots of reasons, really, but suffice to say that I believe any short-term damage done by a negative review doesn't compare to the long-term benefits provided by constructive criticism, such as the opportunity it provides for a filmmaker to improve things they may not have been aware of. I'll write something longer about it in the future.
+ Remember, this is business, not personal. If you get a bad review, don't be a petulant child. Learn from it and move on. I do not have a grudge against you or the type of film you've made or whatever.
+ As a fellow uber-indie filmmaker, I understand the limitations your project likely faced. Chances are I can spot them just from watching the film. Therefore, I'll be lenient...up to a point, as I can also spot things you could have easily fixed or avoided.
+ Pretty much I'll review anything, but keep in mind that I have a weak stomach when it comes to things like excessive violence and what I assume populates much of the Saw franchise. So, I'll try, but it's probably best to remember that past a certain point I'll be watching through my fingers. This is more of a problem for features than shorts.
+ The nature of this project may mean I end up with more stuff to review than I have time to review it. So, there may be some gaps and delays and whatnot as I try to fit this into my normal workload. I will probably also pick and choose on occasion, based on my moods, etc. I may, should the workload get too big, recruit some help among the people who's opinions I trust.
+ Every so often, I'll review a film done by an actor I've worked with, or a director I've drank with, or some other potential affiliation. I'll be sure to note any connections and will do everything in my power to critique the film objectively.
+ If at all possible, please give me some easy way, either via email or even a sticky note attached to the DVD, to figure out the following bits of information: actors, director, writer, music, cinematography, editor, budget, length of the film, and any other helpful piece of trivia you'd want me to know. Like, for example, if you shot it on a camera you stole from Wal-Mart, or the whole film cost you $1.50, or anything else of interest. Please don't make me go looking for the information just because you forgot to write it elsewhere.
+ Also, access to a still image or two that's at least 400 pixels wide would be a big help and almost guarantees the review will show up quicker.
+ The whole thing is free. You get someone writing about your film who isn't related to you and hundred (thousands?) of people will read about it worldwide. All you have to do is send the thing to me (or, convince me to watch it online).
+ If it's possible to purchase your film or you have a website you want to pimp, don't be a damned fool. Tell me how to tell people about it.
+ Still interested? email me.